Of Chimps, Crazy Ladies and Stimulating Talk

This has been quite a stretch for news my friends so let’s get to it. We have had the President of the United States telling us the end is near and any delay in implementing his stimulus bill will result in a catastrophe of biblical proportions. That dire warning was issued moments before the President with family and friends in tow took Air Force One out for a jaunt to Chicago. There he played some hoops, got a haircut and took his wife to dinner at a restaurant owned by Oprah’s personal chef. My question is if we’re at the gates of hell, why isn’t the president at his post like the rest of us. And if the democrats are going to continue to squawk about corporate executives using aircraft paid for by shareholders, where’s the outrage over the new president winging it all over the country on the taxpayer’s dime?
Then there’s the mortgage bailout plan. The 90% of us who pay our mortgage on time are now supposed to bail out the losers and flippers who got their hubris and irresponsible behavior caught in the wringer. Let them go bust and we’ll pick over the carcasses. Too bad.
The story I’d like to ignore but can’t is “Octomom”, the lunatic California woman who just popped out eight babies after some obviously successful fertility treatment. Clearly the woman is demented and has no business having children and thinks these kids are her ticket off the welfare roll. But what about the fertility doctor? This clown should have his license yanked and be sued for malpractice by the eight children assuming any of them make it through childhood.
Then there was my favorite newspaper The New York Post making two very questionable calls this week. One was a front page photo of “Octomom’s” grotesque belly just prior to hatching. Note to the Post and women in general: There’s nothing beautiful about a distended stomach unless you’re the father and that’s a stretch!
By far the bigger editorial mistake at the Post was that horrible cartoon with two white cops and a dead chimp with a none too subtle intimation about Obama and a chimp. I’m white and I found that unbelievably offensive. I can only imagine how black people felt. It’ll be a while before they sell too many papers in Harlem.
The chimp in question was a 200 lb. animal that attacked it’s owners friend taking off her nose, eyes and hands. The owner appears beyond insane giving interviews about her “relationship” with Travis. They apparently drank wine together, bathed together and slept in the same bed. Enough said.
The sports world had to endure another episode of “Who didn’t do steroids.” In this case it was the outing of the incredibly narcissistic Alex Rodriquez. He joins a long list of ballplayers (mostly Yankees) who cheated. The good news is these bums serve to remind us how great the guys were who didn’t take steroids like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays. I played a round of golf with Mays once and asked him how he had gotten so good at golf and asked him if he had any help in the way of lessons. He told me “There’s nobody alive who can teach old Willie how to swing anything.” He didn’t need any help in the batter’s box either.
Politically New York Gov. David Paterson is in free fall for a variety of reasons beginning with the handling of the Senate seat. As goofy as Caroline Kennedy was, Paterson still comes off as the bad guy. But Paterson really shot himself in the foot when it was revealed he handed out hefty raises to staff members and cronies while talking down the State’s financial condition. A poll showed the odious Andrew Cuomo creaming Paterson in a head to head for the democrat nomination.
Speaking of Caroline Kennedy, it appears her Uncle Ted may have made his last appearance in the Senate. He is ensconced at an undisclosed Florida location and friends say the end is near. His departure will mark the official end of Camelot. Back next week with some interesting news…I hope!

Peggy Lee May Have Been Right

As the fledgling Obama administration struggles to find its way, I’m reminded of singer Peggy Lee’s 1969 hit “Is that all there is.” In this existential song, Lee expresses disillusionment with events in life that are supposed to be unique. She concludes by saying “Break out the booze and have a ball-if that’s all there is.”
Because after a torrid two year love affair, America is beginning to wonder if that is, indeed, all there is. The stock market continues to grind lower, unemployment is off the chart and the credit market is seized up like an old jalopy. It hasn’t helped that a number of Obama’s key Cabinet appointments have gotten bogged down in ethical and tax problems. Just last week Obama had to pull the plug on former Senate majority leader Tom Daschle for Health and Human Services Secretary. It appears Daschle had neglected to pay nearly $150,000 in taxes for a chauffeur and driver while working for a D.C. lobbying firm and only coughed up the information and the dough when nominated. It was disappointing to hear Obama and his spokespeople try giving Daschle a pass because he was so vital to the health care effort. There was more than a whiff of liberal elitism there as if to imply his intellect and commitment to the cause superceded his obligation to pay taxes like the rest of us.
This all occurred after a similar dust-up with now Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Mr. Geithner too neglected to pay his fair share going as far as declaring his kids summer camp expenses as a child care deduction. What makes this even more unsavory is the fact that the Treasury Secretary also oversees the IRS. I have to assume Geithner’s “mistakes” will make it tough for him to play the indignation card the next time some high profile tax cheat surfaces. As he did with Daschle, President Obama went with the “too valuable to fail” argument for Geithners confirmation. Toss in a couple of other nominees with similar problems and maybe Obama’s slogan should be “change you better count first.”
To be sure, it’s far too early to judge the success or failure of this new administration but it does have a decidedly Peggy Lee feel to it. We were led to believe this crowd would be different, more ethical and held to a higher standard. The rapture that was the election and the carnival like atmosphere surrounding the inauguration bordered on national hysteria. Since then we’ve had virtually no progress on anything. Americans today feel like they’re tied to the railroad tracks and the guy who was supposed to save them is off somewhere putting out brush fires.
The President’s decision to address the American people in a prime time speech is a good start. We need to hear directly from him. No one cares what ditzy Nancy Pelosi or Mitch McConnell has to say. The American people need to know their President has a plan and isn’t just winging it. People need to be able to turn off their TV set and get behind a course of action they understand and approve. We need to know that’s not all there is to our new president.

The Gillibrand Appointment

Could we get Beyonce back for one more chorus of “At Last” now that Gov. Paterson has finally selected Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand to replace Hillary Clinton? This process has had more back stories than a Liza Minnelli comeback tour. The nomination of Sen. Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State in December set off a furious non campaign for the job. The electorate was an audience of one as state law dictates the Governor appoint someone prior to a special election in 2010.
At first blush it was assumed the Governor would be sifting through the resumes of all the usual suspects. They included the likes of Rep. Carolyn Maloney from New York, Teacher’s Union President Randi Weingarten, Nassau County Executive Tom Suozzi, Long Island Democrat Steve Israel and New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. Cuomo appeared to be the logical pick because by appointing him, Paterson also removed him as a possible opponent for Governor in 2010.
Then along came Caroline. As if awakening from a 35 year slumber, the daughter of John F. Kennedy suddenly discovered a taste for electoral politics by announcing her intention to seek the appointment. She further stated she intended to pursue the seat in 2010 if she weren’t picked by Paterson. All of a sudden, she was the frontrunner and inevitable selection. The name alone and her perceived fundraising skills made her unbeatable and would help Paterson in 2010. Even the conservative New York Post came out and endorsed her in a breathless editorial.
No one seemed particularly bothered by her absolute lack of experience or involvement in New York politics. It was reported she rarely bothered to vote and gave almost no money to support state democrats. She was a Kennedy and that was enough…until she opened her mouth.
She sounded like a 51 year-old valley girl talking to Lou Dobbs. It was all down hill from there. The blood was in the water and the sharks were suddenly emboldened to challenge the Princess of Camelot. Even Fran Drescher from “The Nanny” tossed her hat in the ring.
It all ended last week as Ms. Kennedy withdrew for “personal reasons”, a cliché that covers a multitude of sins. Everything from tax and nanny problems has been reported as well as trouble in her marriage. My experience is none of those things sneak up on you so I suspect she found out Paterson had soured on her and she is doing a little face saving.
Which brings me to the winners and losers in all this. The one obvious beneficiary is Kirsten Gillibrand. I can still see her stumbling around the Dutchess County Fair in 2006 hoping someone would talk to her and now she’s a U.S. Senator. Hillary Clinton is loving Caroline’s demise as Caroline famously endorsed Obama during the primaries. Andrew Cuomo is a loser as he must now pick between being Attorney General forever or taking on Paterson and reminding people of his 2003 campaign against another prominent African-American, Carl McCall. Carolyn Maloney is a huge loser given how hard and how nasty she has been in talking down Kennedy and Gillibrand.
Then there’s the who gets Gillibrand’s seat in Congress. Republicans still hold a registration edge so does Sandy Treadwell give it another shot? Does recently defeated Assembly candidate and Hyde Park resident Jonathan Smith go for the gusto? He did manage Doris Kelly’s congressional bid in the same district so he knows his way around. Given Obama’s incredible popularity, the democratic nomination for this seat should be worth its weight in gold. Stay tuned.

Kudos To Gov. Paterson

Word that Caroline Kennedy has "withdrawn for personal reasons" from her bizarre quest to be appointed U.S. Senator shows she wasn't remotely ready for prime time. The disingenuous excuse only underscores the flighty nature of her bid. Apparently she thought it would be handed to her because of her name. Wrong! People saw it for what is was and the long reach of the Kennedy's appears to be over. So it's back to parties at the Met for Princess Caroline.

Tough Times Ahead Locally

This may come as a shock to all of you but the inauguration of Barack Obama will have almost no impact on our daily lives. Sure, it’s great to see a quarterback change in Washington but it will take more than charisma and speechmaking to make a dent in the problems facing Americans on so many levels. The foremost obstacle is, of course, the economy. The U.S. economy is in absolute free fall and thousands of Americans are losing their homes and jobs daily.
What has been somewhat overlooked in the run-up to the inauguration has been the local aspect of all this. For some time we have been focusing on the headlines and what felt like other people’s problems. Bank failures and mortgage meltdowns followed by bold government intervention were unnerving but didn’t feel real for a long time. Well, they do now. Just look around you here in the Hudson Valley. Businesses are closing left and right, construction and real estate activity have ground to a halt putting many people out of work. Banks, after years of making questionable loans, have virtually closed the lending window now that the horse is over the horizon.
At the State level, Gov. David Paterson has made it clear the budget will have to be slashed dramatically and many services curtailed or eliminated. That means many agencies will have to do more with less and municipalities will be getting less from the State. The simple explanation is the foundering economy generates less tax revenues and unless we raise taxes, that’s all she wrote. But even the looniest of lefties in Albany realize you can’t raise taxes in a cratering economy.
Hyde Park is a good example of how things are playing out across the area. Tax revenue is down substantially because the real estate market has all but ceased to exist along with all those sales and mortgage taxes. Businesses are dropping like flies and the few that actually open seem to close in a few months. There’s more economic activity in Fallujah than Route 9 these days. The fact that the Town actually raised taxes in the face of all this economic pain is one of the reasons we see so many For Sale signs around town. Taxes are driving people up the wall and out of town.
Locally, tensions appear to be intensifying on what was four years ago a unified, congenial Town Board. In the last weeks skirmishes have broken out over the reappointment of the town engineer and a proposed cell tower. Much of the angst seems focused on Supervisor Pompey Delafield.
This brings me to the political scuttlebutt in Hyde Park; given this is an election year. I hear more than a few democrats are increasingly frustrated with Mr. Delafield and want to nominate someone else this year. The common complaint is he hasn’t really accomplished anything of substance and just keeps pushing legislatives proposals around his plate. The failure of the St. Andrews project and the police facility hasn’t helped staunch the political bleeding although FDR himself wasn’t going to get the St. Andrews dog to hunt. Board member Valerie Hale is said not to be seeking a second term, opening the door for the woman who almost beat her, Sue Serino. Bob Linville is rumored to be mulling retirement. Independent turned democrat Rich Perkins is making some friends and noise for Supervisor and freshman Board member Hannah Black looks vulnerable to a decent republican candidate. Then again, that would require the presence of an organized republican party in Hyde Park. If you find one, drop me a note.

Democrats Need To Produce Now

We all know the expression “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Well the democrats got “it” with the 2008 election. They now control all three branches of government and enter the New Year riding a wave of good will and enthusiasm. Democrats chair every committee and control the legislative agenda and calendar. Republicans are now decidedly in the minority and reporters will be queuing up outside the doors of the democratic leadership.
Sounds great if you’ve been a liberal in the wilderness waiting for the Bush era to end, right? Yes and no. On one hand the prospect of having a blank check from the American people is very empowering. The thought of actually implementing all those social and fiscal wish lists has to be intoxicating. Here’s the thinking.
Obama & Co. have run those nasty, Neanderthal republicans out of town and we’re going to do it our way from now on! We’re going to tax the hell out of those rotten fat cats who’ve had the nerve to make all that money while the rest of us have been waiting tables at The Groovy Blueberry. We’re going to have a national amnesty for SUV’s. Turn them in or we’ll take them.
Everyone will drive a hybrid fueled by goose droppings and ethanol. SAT’s will be outlawed, school vouchers declared illegal and teacher pensions doubled. Families will be deemed progressive and receive a generous tax credit if they can prove at least one child is transgendered or thinking about it. The military will be disbanded and the Ronald Reagan Library designated a subversive destination.
OK, I exaggerate a little bit but hear me out. Any time you get near unanimity of thought or opinion, you run the risk of exceeding your authority. Look at what Newt Gingrich and the republicans did with their 1994 election mandate. Remember the Taxpayer Bill of Rights? They overreached and the voter backlash gave us four more years of Bill Clinton and bye-bye Newt.
Oddly the democrats are in something of a tight spot. It’s one thing to criticize the opposition; it’s quite another thing to do it yourself. Take tax cuts for instance. Democrats are always howling about the ineffectiveness and unfair nature of corporate and personal tax cuts. They have demonized republicans for tax breaks for the wealthy blah, blah, blah. Then it would stand to reason President Obama and Congress deep six tax cuts and raise the capital gains tax. Let’s see how that works out. The same is true for foreign policy and national security. It’s easy to talk about reaching out to terrorist countries but what happens when they resume killing innocent Americans.
Democrats are now leaving the laboratory and taking their formula to the real world. We will soon find out what works and what doesn’t. Democrats won’t be able to blame republicans this time if things go south. Sure democrats can rightfully claim they need time to clean up the previous administration’s mess but that tune will get old pretty fast. The American people voted for change and they better get it or the Obama honeymoon could be a brief one.
I wouldn’t be surprised if democrats aren’t waxing sentimental for Dick Cheney and the gang somewhere down the road. Sometimes you need real villains to tell a good story. While liberals love preaching to the converted, a little conflict goes a long way in politics.

Here Comes 2009

This is the time of year people make all sorts of predictions about the coming year fully understanding no one will remember them a week later. Here’s one you can take to the TARP, 2009 will be better than 2008. I’m counting on you to remember my brilliant predictions and forget the bad ones. Let’s start with politics.
-Bill Clinton will blame a muscle spasm for “accidentally” tripping Barack Obama as the new President descended the inaugural platform.
-Sen. John McCain will tell reporters after Obama is sworn in he thought “he and Sen. Mondale had waged a campaign Americans could be proud of.”
-Governor Sarah Palin will order the Alaska National Guard into Canada to burnish her national security credentials. Palin will claim her prospective son-in-law fled to Canada to avoid marrying her daughter.
-Gov. David Paterson will float Paris Hilton for U.S. senator saying “if the people want an heir head, why not give them the real thing, plus I think she actually votes once in a while.”
-Meanwhile a peeved Caroline Kennedy will withdraw from consideration and move to London where she will buy Madonna’s house and demand a seat in the House of Lords.
- Hillary Clinton will request Congress designate the Secretary of State second in line of presidential succession, ahead of the Vice-President, claiming she won Michigan and Florida.
-In economic news, the price of gas will hit $1 a gallon, generating a massive demand for gas guzzling SUV’s and Hummers, saving the Big Three auto companies from bankruptcy and any thought of long term corporate planning.
-Donald Trump will go belly up again blaming the “force majeur” of the economy for his problems. Apparently building luxury hotels and apartments with no money in a cratering economy wasn’t a factor.
-Disgraced money man Bernie Madoff will announce the formation of a financial fantasy league. Bernie’s team will be called the Palm Beach Paupers. He will make some of his current clients available on the instructional video also known as a deposition.
-The new ballparks of the Yankees and Mets will open this spring amidst much hoopla. Unfortunately there won’t be any fans given half the season ticket holders went broke one way or another in ’08 and the rest of us aren’t going to pay $300 to watch a meaningless baseball game in April. Save your money for Red Sox World Series tickets.
-Jay Leno will officially retire the Law & Order franchise by taking over the 10PM weeknight slot at NBC and Conan O’Brien will bomb at 11:30 because he’s not funny.
-Oprah’s weight will balloon to a frightening 400 lbs. and she win the annual hot dog eating contest at Coney Island, dethroning that annoying Japanese guy. The situation will eventually require a televised intervention by Richard Simmons and the Olsen twins.
-Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will ease back into the spotlight as host of a new game show called “Career or No Career.” Married men will have to sell their ridiculous excuses to a panel of bitter Hillary Clinton supporters.
-Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie will move to a deserted island and leave us all alone. Hopefully they’ll discover Ellen DeGeneres, P. Diddy, Bill Maher, Bill O’Reilly, Kelly Ripa, Sean Hannity and Whoppi Goldberg are already there. Happy New Year everyone.