The Daily Diatribe

-Reports today that candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are exhausted. They're exhausted? How about the rest of us. Must be a long day riding around on private jets having your ass kissed by supporters.
-Apparently we have a national rice shortage. Wal-Mart has announced it would be rationing bags of rice as supplies dwindle. I thought we were in the business of helping third world countries,not becoming one.
-Smoking kills...at least it kills attendance at bingo games in Minnesota. Local officials claim the charity gambling game has lost $100 million since a no smoking law took effect.
-Sad news from New York City where famed 'Mammary Mecca" Scores is likely closing for various violations including club condoned prostitution. This can't be good news for former New York governor and recovering sex freak Eliot Spitzer.
-I'm still reeling from the shocking news that the walking bag of skin Star Jones is getting a divorce from Al "I'm not gay" Reynolds. Jones is telling people she's "seeing" Miami Heat basketball superstar Dwayne Wade. Right and I'm dating Heidi Klum.
-More shocking news from the world of television. CNN has announced it will renew 97 year-old Larry King's contract until 2009. CNN would not confirm if a free burial was part of the deal.
-Does anyone out there have the authority to cancel ABC's The View? It's horrifying enough it's actually on but why is it always on in every doctor's office?
-I also want the social security numbers of anyone intending to watch the NFL Draft Sunday. Get a life guys.
-Will likely be back shortly with the Sean Bell verdict.