Democrats Going Green in Denver

Last week in a little noticed memo, the Democratic National Committee released details of their plan to make this summer’s national convention as green as possible. The idea is to paint Democrats as hip and environmentally friendly as opposed to the big, bad, Neanderthal Republicans. Here are a couple of the Democratic innovations for Denver and I’m not making this up.
There will be absolutely no fried food served at the convention hall. Any foods containing trans fats will also be barred from the convention. It would appear the liberals running the Party have made the seamless transition from telling Americans what they can think or say to what they can eat.
The DNC will also be issuing 15,000 complimentary fanny packs to delegates and supporters. They will be made from hemp or natural fibers. I personally don’t care what they’re made of but no one beyond third grade should ever wear a fanny pack unless they’re on their way to a Star Trek convention. They’ve also decreed that all balloons be biodegradable. Maybe they should just eat them after the balloon drop.
Here’s possibly my favorite. The DNC has appointed a Carbon Advisor for the convention. The company is called Camco International and will be paid to measure the impact of the convention on our climate. I know the answer to that…the air will be hotter. According to Andrea Robinson, Director of Greening for the DNC, Camco will assess emissions associated with travel to the convention and waste generated as in all those private jets and limos.
As one who has attended a few political conventions, I can assure you most of the delegates aren’t there to have their consciousness raised. Unless the environmental extremists have completely taken over the party, most delegates will want to boogie and eat and drink themselves blind in the hospitality suites.
But you might have fun at the Republican convention in September. You see, I’ve intercepted a top secret memo from the Republican National Committee, code name Operation Shrug. It would appear John McCain understands he and the Party have no shot in November and have decided to cast off any trappings of political correctness and just let it rip. Here are a couple of highlights from the memo.
-Free beer and lap dances from Cindy McCain
-Each state delegation will have a beer bong on the floor.
-Smoking is encouraged. Spittoons will be available at the Phillip Morris concession stand.
-Red meat at all meals with the exception of the daily fried chicken and pancake breakfast special.
-Meals will be served in the new Defibulator Room just off the convention floor.
- Each delegate will be driven individually by SUV to and from the convention center.
Drivers will be former Bear Stearns big shots.
-Delegates will all be given hand guns with their complimentary baby seal tote bags. A shooting range will be available to delegates after the cocktail hour.
-There will be psychiatrists on call 24 hours a day in the Neo-Con Room for those big donors still grieving they won’t have Hillary to kick around this fall.
-State of the art security will be installed to detect the presence of George Bush should he attempt to address the convention. The McCain people have given him the wrong date and assume that will be enough to fool him.
The reality is Barack Obama is going to win this going away. Nothing can derail him and the Republicans have only themselves to blame. I just hope we can endure another 5 ½ months of W.