Hold It Right There Fatso

One thing writing about politics or politicians guarantees you is you will never run out of material. Here’s a bill currently before the Mississippi State Legislature. It’s House Bill 282 and speaks for itself.
“An act to prohibit certain food establishments from serving food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health; to direct the Department to describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese; to direct the Department to monitor the food establishments for compliance with the provisions of this act.” The bill would revoke licenses of food establishments that violate its provisions.
At first blush, it’s tempting to laugh at this nanny state piece of legislation and assume it never becomes law. Then again, everyone snickered at the no smoking laws at first too. Now I’d have to hang upside down from a tree branch to have a cigarette legally and that may soon be subject to a weight limit for fear of harming the tree.
Let’s start with defining obese and who gets to make the call. Will “The Department” have an angry vegan determining who’s fat and who’s not? Is there going to be a weigh station at your local restaurant? Will we have to duke the owner to adjust the scale? Are we going to start dressing like a cat burglar in order to look thinner? Will we see skinny people lurking outside of fast food joints offering to buy you a bag of fries and a double cheeseburger for a fee?
What if the wife’s packed on a few lbs. over the holidays? Is the waiter going to have to say “You sir are good on the surf and turf but the missus will be having the garden salad with oil and vinegar.” Maybe restaurants will do like they did in the early days of the smoking police. There’ll be two seating areas…the toothpick section and the tubby tuba section. “Right this way, Mrs. String Bean, kindly avert your eyes as they’re disemboweling a live steer in the tuba room”.
Then there’s the clothing issue. Will “The Department” issue a list of approved clothing? No shifts or moo-moos for women attempting to eat real food. No hideous Tommy Bahama shirts over a pair of sweatpants for men. Will “The Department” consider full figured people too unsightly and unhealthy to be seen in the toothpick section?
What happens at the bar? Does the beefy sports guy go home at night with “No beer for you fat man” ringing in his ears. Since we all know truly obese folks tend to gorge at home away from judgmental types, will the rest of us be reduced to closet burger bingers, washing them down with giant milk shakes?
All kidding aside, proposals like these are precursors to more serious deliberations. It all goes back to those who would have us live in the proverbial Nanny State. They tend to be liberal Democrats who think they know what’s best for the rest of us and believe government should be making the decisions. I know the argument on much of this centers around health but I just don’t think a 300 pound person or a chain smoker needs Uncle Sam to tell them they’re putting themselves at risk. I don’t think it’s the government’s place to tell me what I can eat, if I can smoke a 100% legal product or who I can sell my property to. It’s my life and I’ll live it the way I want to. In case you’re wondering I quit smoking over a year ago so don’t send me any ‘smoking will kill you” letters.